Setting Goals That You Can Reach
It's common sense; we all know that goal setting is essential and helpful to live the life we want. But, it’s not that easy..Right?!?How often have you set goals, stopped, or didn’t even start? I know I have countless times.
So why do we not do it or stick with it?
Here are some pesky thoughts, beliefs, and reasons that keep us from starting and sticking to our goals.
We put others' needs first.
"I have to take care of... first."
"I am so busy with my family and work needs. Who has time for self-care?"
We don't make ourselves a priority.
"I don't have time."
"Taking time for myself is selfish."
We don't set boundaries around our self-care. (This is a hard one for me…)
"Well, I was planning on doing...(Goal). I guess I can skip it."
"I'm just not feeling it today."
"Oooh, that sounds way more fun than..."
We fear that we are going to fail.
"What if I can't." "I'm scared to try."
"I've tried this before and failed."
We are internally resistant to feeling "controlled" even by self-imposed goals.
"I feel so restricted now that I set this goal."
"I don't want to eat healthy all the time."
"If I stop drinking, I'll lose my friends and be no fun."
We are stuck in a habitual pattern of thinking and believing about ourselves.
"I can't see myself getting to where I want to be."
"I'm not strong enough."
I'd like to invite you to shift your attention to the fact that these are just thoughts; they're a mindset. And these thoughts and attitudes affect our behavior. They tell us we can't, so why bother? Then we stop or don't try at all.
3 Ways to support your personal goal setting.
1: Shift your mindset
Developing awareness of our thoughts and belief systems is essential in setting goals. Our thoughts happen so automatically and habitually that we may not even notice that we are thinking this way. Becoming aware of your self-defeating thoughts is the first step. Next is recognizing that these thoughts may not be 100% true. Take some time to reflect on your belief system around the goal you want to make.
Can you challenge these thoughts? "Do you really not have enough time?" Is self-care really selfish? Would you say that to your friend?" Will I really fail?"
It is essential to shift your mindset by identifying more realistic affirmations and beliefs to support your goal.
Here are some examples of mindset shifts
"Taking care of myself first will help others around me."
"I do have at least ____ minutes in the day that I can use for myself.
"I'd love to go hang out and do the fun thing. I will meet you after I do my thing." (Can you imagine how good that would feel to protect your goal??)
"Yeah, I failed before, but what did I learn? I can do it differently."
"If I feel restricted, I need to reassess my goal for success. How do I want it to look?
"I have done hard things in the past (write those down.) I can make my goals doable."
2: Set Reasonable Goals
Be specific when clarifying your goal.
Make your goal measurable. Can you mark your progress down?
Is your goal realistic and attainable? This is a significant component of goal completion.
Is your goal respectful/relevant to your values and long-term big-picture goals?
What is a reasonable time frame for your goal?
An example is if you want to make regular exercise a part of your life because you value your mental and physical health. Plus, caring for yourself helps you care for others in your life.
Start small! Running a marathon by next year is big; maybe it's more realistic to go for a walk for 15 minutes 3-4 days this week. This goal is specific, measurable, attainable, respectful of your values, and reasonable in time.
Reflect: Take some time to slim down that goal. You want to want to do your goal! Make it achievable, less scary, and make it, so you feel successful and not restricted.
Write your goal down and put it somewhere you see it every day.
Check your mindset. Believe in yourself!
3: Identify a support system.
You don't have to do it alone; this does not have to be your private journey. A support system meets your relational needs, fosters belonging, and improves your self-worth. This support will help you stay motivated and consistent.
Tell your people what your goal is.
Identify an accountability buddy to partner up with if you have similar goals.
Who in your life would like to support you in this goal? Ask for help from your friends, family, coworker, neighbor, a coach, or join a group.
Reach out for inspiration.
Celebrate your wins, no matter how small or big.
I wish you the best; I am here to support you.
May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you live with ease
~Kristina